Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
