my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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