Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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