The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
