his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
