if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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