I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
