I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
