I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
