I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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