I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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