OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
