Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Randomize
