im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Yo dont text me then not text me
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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