I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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