you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
