Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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