guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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