even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
