During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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