Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Randomize
