I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize