Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
