I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
