Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
