I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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