That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
