last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
