When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
