What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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