Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
