I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
