3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
