She said her name was "party"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
