the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
