She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The air was thick with penises
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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