I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
