Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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