Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
