Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
