Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
