I just saw a hot homeless man
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
