onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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