Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
