Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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