smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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