I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
