So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
