his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
