Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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