if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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