I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
