we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
