And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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