mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize