Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
