Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So vagazzling was a success
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
