I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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