my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
