I want to walk on stilts...naked
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If I die, sorry about rent.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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