My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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