do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
