I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I will be naked everywhere
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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