I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
