That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
