My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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